


Miscommunication Soon Becomes Disaster

by GayChaton



Series: Emails to Lie In [6]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst, Car Accidents, Dysfunctional Family, Family Drama, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mild Gore, Misunderstandings, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-26
Updated: 2017-07-04
Packaged: 2018-11-19 05:04:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11306250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GayChaton/pseuds/GayChaton
Summary: Wherein things fall apart, because they always do.When a secret relationship becomes not-so-secret, things always tend to escalate out of hand. Alana makes a mistake, Zoe steps up for once, Connor spirals, Jared takes the big hit, and Evan can't help but regret everything.





	1. Mistake

**Author's Note:**

> Spoiler alert, Alana Beck is on the spectrum and you can pry this headcanon from my dead fingers because there's enough canonical proof that I believe it.

Alana Beck was not heartless.

She stared at her computer screen and shining purple keyboard with a slight hesitation, wondering if she was actually going to do this.

She had a huge heart!

She knew she did because she wanted everyone to be happy and feel included and get the help they needed. When she was really young, she had a very hard time understanding how to be funny and make people laugh. It wasn't that she didn't know jokes, it was that she couldn't see why people thought sometimes were better for jokes and talking than others. Her parents helped her through it, and by the time she understood how to make friends, she wanted to be friends with everyone.

So that made her a happy person, and an outgoing person, and she learned what things to say when. She learned that saying how well she did on tests made other people feel bad when they didn't do as well. She learned that hugs made her feel great, so she offered hugs to everyone in the class at least once a year.

When The Connor Project started, she thought it was a great idea, and threw herself into it for the cause. Maybe Jared telling her that not all of it was true was a setback, but that was minor in relation to the bigger picture. "Helping everyone to be found!" So she set it aside and moved on. So what if Evan and Connor hadn't been friends? They were now!

And then Jared came to her again and told her in no uncertain terms that things had become more complicated. Jared had become friends-with-benefits with Connor, and Connor had entered a relationship with Evan. None of it was to be disclosed to the public at any time.

Alana Beck was not homophobic! She knew that. She knew that because she herself was not straight. Maybe she hadn't figured out a label for what she was yet, but she knew she was at the very least an ally of the LGBTQA+ community in all its forms! So she glossed over that all too. Even in the five-person group chat they'd formed, Evan and Connor had posted cute tooth-rotting pictures of themselves in couple poses, always taken by Evan with Connor in a halfhearted enthusiasm but a loving smile. It was very cute and all.

But she was staying behind at school one Friday to attend a volunteer club meeting and she saw something that did stop her in her tracks.

In the end of the hallway of the bathroom, Jared Kleinman had Evan Hansen up against a wall. And both of them were dating someone else.

So, admittedly, Alana Beck was a little pissed!

It was not okay to cheat on your significant other, regardless of who it is. Evan should know that! It is his boyfriend, after all. And Jared, Jared just can't decide he—

… Alana paused and regrouped her thoughts.

Jared can't just choose he wants a different person to… pursue intercourse with, whenever he wants to.

She was angry. So her fingers hovered over the record button on her keyboard, and the turned to her webcam, collected herself, and pressed the button.

"Hello, community and friends. I feel that it is my need, as a person with knowledge and access to the people you know of from this site, to share with you the things that have occurred," she said to her silent room, face stone still and angry.

Her heart beat fast in her chest, repeating that she was doing this _she was doing this_ _shewasdoingthiswasn'tshe_?

"Many of you know that Connor Murphy and Evan Hansen, the Founder and Co-President of The Connor Project, are very close in their real lives. Many of you believe them to be best friends," Alana said frowning. She wasn't going to reveal the past, but there was too much for there not to be repercussions now. "They are actually in a romantic relationship at this time. This may not come as a total surprise to the most astute among you, I'm sure. But there is more to this.

"Our Treasurer and Web Design Specialist, Jared Kleinman, has recently been involved with Connor intimately, and with Evan's knowledge. I assume this was an arrangement they discussed. But even worse, today I witnessed Jared and Evan kissing, meaning both were cheating on their significant other!"

Alana paused, looking down at her phone. She'd taken a picture, and now she had to show the world the truth. They deserved to know as much as she did, after all.

"Please, to everyone who has had their trust betrayed in this way, know that it is not acceptable! Connor, when you see this, I am so sorry that this has happened to you, but please know that it is now your choice to decide how to confront it!"

Alana jammed down on the button again, halting the recording. The video saved, and she numbly went through the process of polishing the video and adding the photo she had taken into the silence she left. By the time she could properly think again, the video was posted, and quickly collecting views. The comment section was filling up, first with claims of being early to the video, and soon cries of outrage as they actually watched it.

 

**This is awful, after all Connor's been through alrady?**

**someone should return the favor. i go to school with these guys, maybe we should stop them ourselves and get them to apologize**

**I think I can trace back their IP addresses if any hackers on here want to find their street addresses with that.**

**Next up: Pedophilia.**

**this is disgusting. i can't believe i actually gave money to these queers.**

**I can't believe that they would do this? Evan Hansen, you were my hero, but you did the same thing my ex boyfriend did to me? What else don't we know about?! Can we even trust these people with anything??**

 

It was ugly, and destructive, and damning. Then she watched in horror as insults were thrown and a few death threats seeped their way into the hideous concoction.

Alana was horrified. These people were damning the three the hell, even Connor. People promised to ruin their lives, to find where the boys worked and lived and destroy it.

This was not what she wanted, she just wanted for Evan to see that he was doing something wrong!

A notification chimed through her speakers. She clicked on it instantly.

A video, titled "Response to Outcry".

Evan appeared on the screen, face blotchy and red and nervous. _"H-Hello, community. Before anything else, let me set the record straight. Alana was wrong, we were not cheating on Connor. And-and we weren't because we're all dating each other. Yes, the picture was real, but it was also consensual and Connor knew about it. We weren't— we weren't cheating!_

 _"Listen, I understand that some of you have been hurt by people cheating in the past. I understand because that's why my parents got divorced. So trust me when I say that I understand that it's wrong, and I'm even more sure that we weren't doing anything of the sort,"_ Evan said.

He exhaled shakily and yanked at the bottom of his shirt. His eyes looked red, but no tears spilled out.

_"We weren't doing anything wrong. I love Connor, and Connor loves Jared, and Jared loves me and it's all returned. We're in a polyamorous relationship. I'm sorry that things have gotten so out of hand but please stop attacking us for something we didn't even do—!"_

The video cut off, but Evan hadn't reached for the stop recording button, which meant that he'd cut something out of the video.

With blurrier eyes, Alana looked down at the comments section, which was filling up when she refreshed the page.

 

**oh my god, spread this like wildfire**

**I saw this on tumblr and im just really glad the last vid was wrong**

**The LGBT is evil no cus its not the truth**

**Well,,,,,,, at least they're not cheating?? Be nice guys, they're trying to make it work**

**Are the Murphy Parents homophobic? Uh oh**

**Fancy word for slut tho lbr**

**The LGBTQ+ is a hypocritical biased community**

**All of the disliked are probably girls who lost their chance of dating him...**

**I don't care if ur gay, ur fine the way u r**

**im not sure if the dating two people thing is okay,, but i wont judge yet!! Evan, youve still done great stuff for plenty of us depressed trashcans**

**Who the hell r jared**

**i really hope connor's alright??? I believe evan ofc, but still, it must be scary right**

**Is poly under lgbtq? Hope so**

**All my love to Evan for being brave in a terrible situation, you're my hero once more <3<3<3 **

 

Alana sat back, noticing that tears wee dripping down her face. With a jolt, she realized she should be taking action. She quickly moved to her Skype app and requested a video call with Evan. The screen changed and after an eternity, the screen blinked away and Evan's face appeared, tears streaking down it.

"What do you want?" he croaked, voice much quieter than it had been in the video.

Alana's hands went to her mouth and she tensed. "Evan I'm so sorry— I didn't understand, and I didn't—!"

"Well you did, though," Evan said. "And now we have this."

"… the feedback isn't that bad? The majority still supports you, and I'm sure we can just block the people who are rude. They've all turned around right?"

Evan shook his head rapidly. "No, no that's not the problem! The internet doesn't matter, what matters is what happens in real life now!"

Alana stopped. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, Jared's mom is going to kick him out! They're an orthodox Jewish family, they think he's sick," Evan hissed, spitting out the words and glaring at his own hands. "Can you imagine what Connor's dad is going to do?"

"Do you think he'll…"

"I don't _know_ ," Evan whispered, burying his head in his hands. "I need to call my mom."

"Evan I'm _so_ sorry—"

"I have to go."

With that, Evan's hand reached out and slammed the laptop shut, cutting off the call.

Alana Beck had made a mistake, and she didn't know if it could be fixed.


	2. Step Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so it isn't shown much from the scenes I've written Zoe in, but over time Zoe has healed over her relationship with Connor as Connor finally got t r e a t m e n t.  
> TW for what Zoe thinks is a suicide attempt but it's actually more of attempted pill popping.

Zoe's night hadn't been great, but that was because most nights weren't great. A typical fight over Connor needing to eat at dinner and a slammed door in the floor above her. Zoe wondered for the umpteenth time in her adolescence how much better off she would be alone.

She was on her laptop, crisscrossed on her bed, browsing Facebook. The messaging system pinged a notification at her, and she opened it, expecting some odd request from some kid she hardly knew. In a way it was. A girl she'd friended from another school had sent a link to Zoe.

 

_Have you seen this Zo?? Im so sorry,,_

_https://www.youwillbefound.com/post/19982004_

 

Zoe's brow furrowed. She hadn't seen anything recently worthy of pity, and most certainly nothing from The Connor Project's page in the last few days.

She clicked on the video, and watched with horror as Alana, her closest friend, slandered Evan's name for what seemed to be a rapidly increasing number of views. Zoe glanced down, already twenty-three thousand views, and one hundred forty-seven comments. Zoe didn't read them. She closed the laptop and sped towards her door, flinging it open. It slammed against her dresser, and she cursed, moving towards the stairs. She just needed to get up and find Connor before he did anything stupid.

Zoe took the stairs up two at a time, running up to Connor's room. Before she even thought about knocking, she grabbed the door handle, lifted the door up, and twisted, the best way to bypass a lock on his flimsy door that intentionally had little-to-no security. Strangely, it wasn't locked at all, and she quickly saw that Connor wasn't in the room at all. The only indication that he hadn't left the house was that the window near the roof was still sealed shut and the blanket on the bed was gone.

Wait, the blanket? She would have to think about it later, she had to find Connor first.

Zoe left the room, leaving it ajar, and was moving down the hall when—

"Zoe!"

Zoe flinched, stopping in her tracks on the second step. She considered ignoring it and finding Connor anyway, but it had been her father calling, and it was never a good idea for anyone to ignore that. So she turned and crept down the stairs towards the living room. "Yeah, Dad?"

"Have you seen this?"

Zoe rounded the corner, catching sight of Larry standing over Cynthia behind the couch as she watched his laptop screen. "Yeah," Zoe muttered.

Dad's face fell. "Did you know about this?"

"It's not what she thinks it is, she's wrong," Zoe said, crossing her arms.

"Enlighten me then."

"Connor—" Zoe's voice caught in her throat. She didn't want to ever disclose this. It wasn't hers to say, it wasn't her fucking problem, except now it was, and it was her responsibility to make sure nothing got worse. "Connor's dating both of them, yeah."

Cynthia shook her head and covered her mouth. "We didn't think that Evan was g—"

"He's bisexual," Zoe interrupted.

"Why would Evan do that to Connor?" Mom asked in a heartbroken tone. She seemed to be experiencing a wildly different kind of shock than Dad was.

"He's… he didn't. All three of them are dating each other and they're all fine with it and nobody's cheating," Zoe said. "Okay?"

"I just don't understand…" Dad muttered, rubbing his fingers over his face.

"Understand _what_ , dad? He's gay, you should know that by now," Zoe hissed.

"Yes! I—" Dad paused and exhaled sharply. "I know."

"You thought he was with Evan anyway," Zoe shrugged.

"But he's seeing another person. What if—"

"There's nothing wrong with them!" Zoe yelled, finally raising her voice. "They love each other the same way anyone else loves! They're happy and there's nothing fucking _wrong_ with them!"

"Zoe, I'm trying, dammit. Just let me ask some questions because I don't _understand_ ," Larry asked.

Zoe drummed her fingers against her arm, waiting.

"If Connor was already dating Evan why would he need something else?" Larry asked.

Zoe _did_ have to admit it, he didn't sound particularly angry, just dumb, misinformed, and confused to hell. So instead of yelling again, she shrugged. "He's in love."

"He's in love?" Cynthia gasped.

"Yeah, Mom," Zoe said her voice breaking. "He was actually with Jared first but—"

"About that," Dad said. "Do you know why it's… why he's interested in _that_ boy?"

"I dunno, cause Jared's funny? I'm not Connor, I can't tell you why he likes Jared."

"Does he love Evan and only like Jared?" Cynthia asked.

"No! He—" Zoe refocused and took a deep breath. "He loves both of them. Can I go now?"

"No, I want to find out—" Larry was cut off.

Cynthia nodded. "Yes Zoe, you can go. Larry, we should talk—"

"I just want to find the answer here—"

"There _is_ no answer! You heard her, he's in love! That's all he needs."

"No, he needs to talk to us when these sorts of things happen. We don't even know this Jared kid, we met him once! He could be a drug dealer."

"Why does it matter? He's just a kid—!"

Zoe took the argument as an excuse to leave back to the hall, and back up the stairs. She figured she would have heard Connor if he was upset and running down the stairs, so he must still be upstairs. She checked the master bedroom, but no luck. The small studio room had nothing even when she flicked the lights on, but the bathroom was locked.

"Connor?"

There was no response.

Zoe cursed but knew what she could do.

Ever since Connor's second attempt, their parents had wised up about locks in the house. Each door (except the outside doors, for security) had short nails that could be kicked in if need be. More importantly, all upstairs doors had locks that could be popped open if the door was lifted by the handle and pushed inwards.

Still, she felt bad and knocked on the door. "Connor, it's Zo."

No acknowledgment.

"I'm really sorry it got out. I talked to Dad for you. Mom's okay with it, she's going to try to make sure you're okay," Zoe said, leaning her forehead on the door and pressing against it lightly.

Downstairs, two voices argued, and then silence.

"I just want to make sure you're not fucking dead in there, alright? You know those two boys don't want that anyway. And— fuck if I know about Alana at this point. But I—"

Zoe caught her breath.

"I don't want that either, Con. Open the door."

Silence split across the house. Her phone buzzed in her pocket. She raised it up, unlocked it, and glanced at the new message sent to her.

 

_**Alana 10:36** _

Im _sorry but turn on channel fourteen right now, it's important, I think it's Jared_

 

"Open the _fucking_ door!"

In a fumbling motion, she jammed the door open the way she knew how and slammed in. She looked up, to see Connor staring blankly at the mirror with a bottle of Xanax in one hand and two pills in the other. Now that the door was open, music that played through his earbuds reached Zoe's ears and they must have been blaring in his ears if she heard them.

In one step, she reached out and grabbed his wrist. Connor flinched and dropped the contents of both of his hands, where they fell into the sink.

With her free hand, she yanked out one of his earbuds. "I'm sorry, but you need to see something."

The way he didn't react at all made Zoe's stomach sink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YALL READY TO MAKE IT WORSE


	3. Spiral

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well okay here we go, step into the fucking madness okay.

Connor did not listen to music loudly any more.

He gave that up quite a while ago, back in the early teen years when he came to view it as drawing too much unwanted attention. He still has a Bluetooth speaker in his room, but on it he only plays instrumental and score tracks to pass time. 

He uses his earbuds when he wants to blast music.

He saw Alana's video. Of course he did. He also saw Evan's video before he left, but when he saw the video of Evan cut out just as he did that little breath hitch that meant he'd start crying, he decided that staying in his room was not the best course of action. In one hand, he grabbed his phone and tangled his fingers in the wires of a pair of earbuds as he left. In the other, he balled as much of his blanket as he could into his fist and pulled it off his bed.

As he walked out of the room and down the hall, he pulled the blanket over one shoulder to free up the space to open his phone and plug in the earbuds. He paused to open the bathroom door, enter, and lock it before he actually stuffed the earbuds in. With the loudest alternative music he had playing from a playlist he thought he'd never use again, he returned the phone to his pocket and took a breath. He left the lights on, but pulled the blanket over his head and stepped into the bathtub, sinking down to the floor.

Now that he was alone in his own mind with just enough distraction to keep out everything else, he could finally fucking think.

But just for his own sanity, he covered his ears with his hands and closed his eyes first.

Sitting back in the empty tub, he felt like a weight was pressing down into his chest, threatening to break his ribs and puncture his lungs. With no uncertainty, Connor waved a mental hello to the familiar weight of depression and then moved on.

Really he was lucky that this happened during a depressive swing instead of a manic one. He felt too tired to hunt anyone on the internet down, too exhausted to run to yell at anyone, too done to really do anything but what he was doing now. Waiting.

For a moment, he entertained the thought of running down the stairs and from the house with angry energy, rushing all the way to Jared's house, and stealing his short boyfriend away before any damage could be done. He chuckled softly to himself, no smile on his face. As if he could even help Jared in the first place even if he did go. What would he do, bring him home to the _Murphy_ house? His parents already hated Jared, probably.

He could yell at Alana. Beat her up, make her sorry.

… no, he really couldn't.

He could find Zoe and corner her and cry on her shoulder. That actually sounded really good. He pulled out his earbuds momentarily to listen for noise.

"He's gay! You should know that by now!"

"Yes I…"

Connor shook his head and jammed the earbuds in. Strike that idea.

He wished Evan was there. Evan seemed to know how to fix Connor every time he thought there was no miracle cure. A hand on the top of his back, and another on the back of his hand. A short whisper coaxing him to move to a bed and unwind where he wouldn't hurt his back. A kiss to the edge of his jaw as they sat in bed alone in the dark, and a whisper that he wouldn't leave.

Hell, he wished Jared was there too. Though Jared was significantly less skilled at calming Connor down or providing any perfect assistance, Jared could see when Connor was about to cross a line and pull him out of the room, offering a grounding point. Sometimes Connor would take him up on it and kiss Jared stupid until he was stopped by Jared forcing him away to breathe. Jared didn't do repair, Jared did damage control.

They were wildly different and two things Connor never thought he'd be into if you asked him three months ago but together, at this point, they were nearly everything Connor cared about in the world.

And right now, they were both being attacked viciously by the internet on behalf of Connor.

Connor wanted to laugh at the idea the whole internet community thinking they know what's best for him.

He did not laugh.

Instead, he lifted himself from the tub and shrugged off the thick blanket. It fell into a pile in the white container as he stepped out.

Slowly, he reached for the medicine cabinet. He'd done this before, many times. Stealing from the medicine cabinet, that is. His family probably noticed, because regardless of what he like to think, they weren't actually stupid and blind. Nobody stopped him back when he stole pills before though.

Xanax. They used to get it for Zoe, back when she used to get nervous before music showcases, but these days it went more often to Mom. Recently Connor had been stealing some to keep in case Evan needed it. Right now, it was perfect for Connor.

He'd really prefer Aderol, but he couldn't be bothered to leave to find something to crush it to be able to snort it. So instead, Xanax.

He fiddled with the bottle for a second before popping it open and fishing out two pills. They rested in the palm of his hand, and the pearly white pills were hardly any brighter than his skin. He looked up, slowly, dragging his eyes across his reflection in the mirror. What the fuck had he gotten himself and these kids into?

Out of nowhere something grabbed his arm, and he jerked back in shock.

He looked over, and it was his little sister, looking exhausted but fearful and fiery all the same. she reached forward and yanked at the cord of his earbud, which pulled out of place with a loud pop in his ear.

"I'm sorry, but you need to see something," she said, still holding his wrist tightly.

He kept his eyes trained on her carefully, unsure of how that was even supposed to make him feel. Was he supposed to feel worse than he already did? Was he supposed to be excited? What the hell did she _want_ from him?

Zoe was searching his eyes for something though.

After a gap, he opened his mouth, and his lips pulled apart from where they'd been stuck together by dry lips. "Okay," he said, no more than a whisper.

She pulled him by his wrist into motion, and he pulled the other earbud out on the rapid descent down the stairs, setting them around his neck for safekeeping. It was easier to think about that than anything else.

Zoe pulled him into the living room, where both of their parents sat at the couch. Fortunately, Zoe ignored both of them and used her free hand to grab the remote control to the flatscreen tv and turn it on. She clicked the buttons for a TV channel and waited for the process to go through.

The television showed a news station, and the low volume of the speakers hardly revealed what the two anchors on screen were talking about. Connor glanced at Zoe, but she made no move to bump the volume.

Finally, the screen flashed, and a breaking news segment appeared, with what read to be live footage. It was outside of the city, along one of the major interstate highways in the dark. Helicopters circled the area of a strip of the road, where one car sat upside down. A closer frame appeared as a news anchor spoke in front of the crashed vehicle into a microphone.

Zoe paused the video and turned to Connor. "Is that Jared's car?"

Connor couldn't take his eyes off the screen. The car he'd ridden in so many afternoons for going to escape everything, out of town, to the park, anywhere they could get on whatever gas money they hadn't already spent on ice cream. The metal was warped, the windows were shattered, and all Connor could think is that _somebody had to drag Jared out of that._

"Connor?"

Finally he took his eyes off the paused screen. Zoe looked like she was about to cry. "Can you drive me to the hospital?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of this whole thing happens at the same time and there's not a lotta dialogue but there is a LOT of thought processes so enjoy that *nervous laughter*


	4. Big Hit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Nervously dumps every family dynamic issue I've ever had onto Jared Kleinman because though he responds differently, his situation is high-key relatable constantly.*  
> (Please scream at me in detail in the comments, I love it more than I'd like to admit)
> 
> Anyway TW for a car crash because things have to go way downhill sometime right.

It's not that bad.

Jared scanned over the comments of the first and second videos, comparing the two. He compartmentalized it, just for his own sanity. Thinking about things mathematically always made it easier to detach from the actual situation.

So they only lost a couple hundred supporters due to homophobia and polyphobia.

Is it polyphobia? Is that the word for it? Or would polyphobia refer to like, homophobia but for polysexual people? Because there was a difference between polyamorous relationships and polysexual or polyromantic people and that was a clusterfuck of Latin roots too.

Back on track, the support on the second video more than made up for the online witch hunt that started for about fifteen minutes. He got fucking death threats in that time though, it might have been impressive that folks found his personal email in that time if he were not terrified by it instead. A handful of his contacts had sent texts and messages on multiple platforms with support. And one from a homophobic highschool bully living in Ohio, but that was the price to pay for having literally six hundred contacts.

 

**_Pinkberry_ **

_Jared K, we're super duper sorry this is happening to you! JR showed me the vids, It sucks super bad <3_

**_R_ **

_my activist group just offered to hold a rally in your honor lmao. poly pride and shit is our thing_

**_R_ **

_not actually a joke btw mon ami, theyre ready to go if you say the word_

**_K Price_ **

_I'm aware youre Jewish, but the Book of Arnold welcomes you completely if you need somewhere to turn_

**_K Price_ **

_Also fuck everyone whos against you_

**_A Cunningham_ **

_MY BEST FRIEND SAYS THE INTERNET HATES YOU WHAT THE CRAP_

**_Apprentice Pants Man_ **

_You don't deserve any of this, dude. Stay strong, reinforcements are inbound!_

**_Tillie_ **

_Statistically, you're much more likely to know what you like and what will work for you than any outsider. It would be in your best interest to disregard the negative feedback._

**_Jock Dick #2_ **

_Cant blieve ur in a reverse harem without the pussy. Wtf dude_

**_Retro NJ Nerd_ **

_I hope this wont stop you from going to pride with me in the future??? Txt back_

**_Stressin' Depression_ **

_My bi trans friend from Six North told me to tell you that she would start a fight for you, and then the others started chanting in your honor._

**_NYC Bennay_ **

_Im 2 inches from driving over with Sonny and some ice cream if you need it._

 

All of that might have made him feel better if he could consider more than two of them actual friends. And friends was a stretch, honestly. The rest were mostly just people he had the number and knew the full name of, and what he might ever need from them. So their support was hardly any different from the support of random commenters on the videos.

A call vibrated through his computer, and he looked up. Alana.

Jared hissed a snarling sound out loud, but took a deep breath and pushed out his nose. He accepted the call. "What?"

"I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have done that and—"

"Yeah, you're right, you shouldn't have done that. Who the fuck decided you're allowed to disclose any of that?"

It was his fault. He was the one who took the safety check feature off of Alana's account, he'd been the one who trusted too much for once.

Alana frowned. "I just thought—"

"You thought wrong okay?" Jared hissed.

"Evan said you might get kicked out," Alana said hurriedly. "Have you…?"

Jared looked back at his door. His dad was on the internet all the time, he would find it within a matter of minutes. Hours, if he was really lucky. Or maybe he'd already saw it. "Not yet."

"What do you mean not yet?"

"Means I very well might," Jared hissed, standing. "I need to start packing."

"You can stay at my pl—"

"No," Jared boomed, slamming his laptop shut with more force than necessary.

He grabbed his yellow backpack and shoved the laptop in. His phone was jammed into the pocket of his jeans. He moved to his drawers and grabbed only two pairs of jeans and three shirts. One extra flannel for luck. After all, he was nearing winter and the next time he'd get a chance to get stuff from the house was completely unknown.

Next were chargers in the front pockets, then the usb drives he kept his various games and programs upon.

"Jared!"

Jared halted his process. "Shit," he whispered before zipping up the backpack and throwing it over one shoulder.

He exited the room on light feet, closing it softly behind him. Slowly, he moved down the stairs, knowing the parents would be in the kitchen. They were, and both stood at the counter with a laptop between them.

"These videos online are saying some very dangerous things about you," his father said.

Jared nodded, leaning against the door frame to keep his backpack out of sight. Best not to escalate things if it doesn't have to be.

"Jared," his mother said slowly. "You know the Torah condemns homosexual acts."

"Of course I know, you made me read it."

The woman relaxed a bit. "See, he understands. He's just sick, he understands."

Jared felt his stomach churn as he looked down. _Of course they'd think that._

"Jared."

Jared looked up towards his father.

"You're to stop this nonsense so you can be treated, agreed?"

"Not agreed," Jared shrugged.

" _Not_ agreed?"

"Not. Agreed," Jared said slower, glaring. "Yes, I read the Torah, but if you read something from this decade, the consensus is the Torah would rather have us accept everyone than exclude gay people."

"It is forbidden for a man to lay with another man," his father gasped.

"And it's also forbidden to eat bacon but you do that all the damn time!" Jared hissed. "What, you'd rather follow the Torah explicitly? Alright, death sentence for me it is!"

"Jared!" his mother yelped. "This is a completely uncalled for response!"

"Why can't you just fucking _love_ me?!" Jared yelled, fingers tightening on the door frame. He felt tears welling in his eyes, and he knew if he wanted to survive with any dignity intact he had to make a decision soon to go back to his room or leave.

"This is not how I raised you," his dad yelled. "And therefore, this house cannot be called yours until you quit this nonsense and accept help!"

"I'm better off without, thanks!" Jared sneered. He turned for the door and ran, grabbing his keys in a hurry on the way out. A huge part of him was relieved that it wasn't his decision, that it was made for him.

The next thing he knew he was driving down the street and merging into the freeway out of town. He glanced around; the car was calm, with flashing yellow streetlights illuminating the car from the exterior. In truth, the charm that the early-2000's hand-me-down rickety vehicle provided was that it was his. The loud-ish hum of the engine brought some peace to Jared, but now that he was back in the present, the itch of emotions hit him again. He was out of a house, and the likeliness of having anywhere to go was getting slimmer.

He could insist on crashing at Evan's. But unless Ms. Hansen insisted on protecting Jared too, that would eventually lead to a confrontation with Homophobic Parents (TM). The Murphys… _actually, how about no._ And Alana, well, Alana offered, but could Jared actually do that now? Not if he had any pride left.

Jared glanced down at his jeans. His phone? Well he did have contacts that would take him if he actually did want to leave town and go full on run away. The De La Vegas could house him for at least a week if he helped around their bodega for rent. Any of Michael's group could keep him if he wanted to go to New Jersey, but who wants to go to suburban New Jersey? Back to New York, Craig Gilder. But actually, that kid had depression, and enough family troubles without a runaway to keep. New York… Warren? Nah the kid was too responsible and loyal to let anyone crash at his boss' house any time.

So Jared was faced with the need to turn back. 

He grit his teeth and pressed harder on the gas. Nobody could afford to fucking keep him, he was just fucked seven ways from heaven—

Jared hadn't noticed his car had drifted too far to the edge of the freeway path. By the time the far right tires dipped down to meet the area where the asphalt tapered off, the curve in the freeway rushed up to meet him. The cement barricade smashed into the side of the car as he swerved to correct, and the car flipped. He took his hands off the wheel entirely, flinching down and crossing his arms over his head.

For a brief, terrifying moment, he was moving in a vaguely upside down position.

The car landed on the roof and his arms hit the ceiling, and everything blacked out in an instant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told you it would go downhill did I not?  
> Jared's contacts in order of appearance:
> 
> Pinkberry- Brooke Lohst (Be More Chill)  
> R- Grantaire (Les Miserables)  
> K Price- Kevin Price (The Book of Mormon)  
> A Cunningham- Arnold Cunningham (The Book of Mormon)  
> Apprentice Pants Man- Hercules Mulligan (Hamilton)  
> Tillie- Matilda Woodworm (Matilda)  
> Jock Dick #2- Kurt Kelly (Heathers: The Musical)  
> Retro NJ Nerd- Michael Mell (Be More Chill)  
> Stressin' Depression- Craig Gilder (It's Kind Of A Funny Story)  
> NYC Bennay- Benny (In The Heights)


	5. Chapter 5

Evan sat under his mom's arm in the hospital hallway.

He was leaning hard against her, stomach churning as if it would make him throw up. Again. 

"I'm really proud of you," Mom said. 

Evan met her eyes for a fraction of a second before returning his gaze down. "What could you possibly be proud of?" 

"You responded and cleared things up so quickly. You told the truth and I think that saved a lot of extra pain for all of you." 

Evan looked down at his phone. 11:42, and Connor still hadn't called. Neither had Zoe, and he hadn't heard from Alana since he hung up on her. He didn't respond to any of the internet comments demanding answers, he hardly even saw them. 

His mom rubbed his shoulder lightly. "You know I love you, right?" 

For a moment, Evan couldn't tell if she was saying that to express support for his unconventional gay relationship or because Jared's parents had clearly not expressed care for him. He supposed it didn't much matter. "I know." 

"And if Jared needs a place to stay, he can stay at our house." 

"How long, though?" Evan asked, turning to her. "I mean his mom kicked him out, how long until you have to talk to her and then you'll side with her because she's your friend." 

"Evan…" she whispered. "I will never side with kicking a child out of the house."

 Evan's brows furrowed. "B-but she's your friend—" 

"And she's wrong. In time, I hope she'll see that so that she and I can be friends again. Until then, we'll set up the pull-out bed in the back room and Jared can stay there as long as he needs to." 

Evan's jaw dropped. "But he…" 

"I always knew he'd be a good friend for you. I guess I just mixed up how _good_  of friends," she said with a smile, trying to joke. 

The attempt brought Evan back to their situation. Sitting outside Jared's hospital room because being alone and watching Jared unconscious made Evan nauseous. 

"Honey," Heidi muttered. "You know they said he's stable right?" 

"Right," Evan nodded. He didn't want to make his mom worry even more, so he nodded. "I know, but he just had surgery and—" 

"He'll rough it out, and everything will be okay. He'll have a place to stay, after all, so he'll have a safe place to heal. And lots of love from you will help that along, right?" 

Evan nodded. "I don't know how I can help him with sch—" 

"Evan!" 

Evan turned sharply around, sitting up to see Zoe pulling Connor down the hall. Evan stood up instantly to meet them. "He's okay!" 

"He is?" Zoe asked, out of breath. "Okay. We tried the other hospital first but they said he wasn't there so we had to drive over here. I'm so sorry we—" 

"Can I see him?" Connor interrupted. 

Evan finally got a good look at Connor. He looked like he got hit by a train, but less than Jared looked like he had. Connor just looked tired and broken on the inside. "Yeah, he's not awake though." 

Connor hissed in a breath and moved forward, breaking out of Zoe's hold to walk to the door. 

Evan walked with him. "He-he's not in a _coma,_  he's fine, he just, he just had surgery and—" 

"Surgery?" Connor repeated, stopping as his hand fell on the doorknob. 

Evan paused for half a second to breathe and collect. "They say— when he flipped the car, he braced himself with his hands on the roof and it like, broke his arms. So now they took out the bone chips and put splints on and the rest of him is fine he just passed out is all." 

Connor glanced between the door and Evan, and let out a shaky breath. "Evan?" he said softly with an unsteady voice. 

Evan grabbed Connor's hand between his. "It's okay." 

Connor pushed open the door. 

Inside, Jared lay in a white hospital bed pressed against the far wall with an IV dripping into the junction of his right elbow. He didn't have his glasses on, but Heidi had been handed the shattered lenses and frame when they arrived, along with a backpack with Jared's belongings. The bag currently lay under the bench they'd sat upon. 

"What's gonna happen?" Connor asked almost breathlessly. 

Evan watched him for a moment and looked down with a sigh. "Well… he'll stay here for a day or two after he wakes up. His parents already payed the hospital fee, but said it would be better if he stayed somewhere else. They'll make sure he can eat foods, and then Mom and I will take him to my house and he'll stay there until he can go to school again, and then you and I will help him with school stuff." 

"… he's going to be so fucking pissed," Connor said, letting out a single laugh. Then a sniffle, which turned into a sob. 

Evan turned into Connor and buried his face in Connor's chest, holding his weight. 

Connor grabbed the back of Evan's polo tightly, and sobbed into his hair. 

After a while, Evan moved a hand up to life Connor's jaw, smiled at him, and moved them both to the seats next to Jared's bed. 

Evan sat back in the seat, pulling his knees up to his chest. Connor kept a grip on his hand, but they collected themselves enough to sit without an outrageous amount of contact. 

"Evan?" 

"Yeah?" Evan responded in a whisper. 

"You okay?" 

Evan nodded. "Mhm."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah," Evan said. "I had it easy. My mom's totally okay with everything… what about your…?" 

Connor shook his head. "I don't know. Zoe talked to them for me. I think it's fine." 

Evan nodded. 

"Do you think he…?" 

Evan frowned. "What?" 

"Remember the night before we got together?" Connor mumbled. "You said that Jared said, if the world went to shit, he wanted to go first. Do you think he…?" 

Evan swallowed hard. "I don't know."

Connor didn't say anything, but his nails dug into Evan's hand. His head dropped; his hair fell over his face, obscuring it. 

Evan held tight to the hand. 

The door opened just enough for Zoe to slide in. "The doctor came by," she said, leaning against the door to close it. "He says he should be waking up soon."

"Isn't it a little early?" Evan muttered nervously. He threw a glance to the heart monitor along Jared's side, which hadn't changed pace in the whole time he'd seen it. "He just had surgery." 

"I'm just relaying…" Zoe shrugged. "Hey, I'm sorry that all this happened."

"It's— not your fault," Evan settled on.

"Then what, is it _Jared's?_  It's just a phrase Evan. It sucks and it's not really any one person's fault but I wish it hadn't happened," Zoe said back. 

"What did… Connor and I were talking? What did you say to your parents?" Evan asked, since Connor seemed to make no move to do anything. 

"They said, they just don't understand, or some shit. They'll be fine with it, I think, if we give them enough time."

Evan swallowed hard. He rubbed a soft circle into the back of Connor's hand and nodded.

"Hey, uh. I'm also gonna ask this now, because, I should, or something," Zoe said. "What are we going to do about Alana?"

"Alana?" Evan echoed.

"Yeah. What she did was fucked up, but now what?" Zoe shrugged, and turned to stare at the wall. "If you want to break contact, kick her from the project, do… I don't know, something? I mean, I think it's really your guys' call at this point."

"Revoke her president title," Connor mumbled, sitting up. He watched Evan through his hair. "She doesn't _deserve_ it now."

Evan swallowed, suddenly very nervous. That was serious, maybe too serious for the first person who jumped on board for The Connor Project in the first place. "Um… I'm not sure I'm comfortable with, uh, pulling rank on her."

"She would understand if that's what you want to do," Zoe interjected. 

"She should feel lucky we're not outcasting her from the group," Connor muttered. "I'm serious Ev, it might be better anyway. How many titles does she have?" 

Evan leaned back. "A lot. Co president, associate treasurer, assistant creative director-slash-private policy director, media consultant, and chief technology director. So, six."

"Maybe she should just be your vice president," Zoe suggested softly. 

Evan didn't respond verbally, but bit his lip and nodded a bit. 

"In any case, she's on probation as a friend for all of us anyways," Connor said. "She should learn that she can't invade privacy like this."

A hush fell over the three as they glanced at each other, silently agreeing. 

Then a soft groan came from across the room. 

"Jared," Connor whispered, launching from his seat in one motion. 

Evan, who was still holding Connor's hand, was yanked along with him, and stumbled to follow to the bedside. He glanced and saw Zoe leave the room out of the corner of his eye. 

"Jared," Connor muttered when they reached the bedside. Evan let go of his hand so that he could move to Jared's other side. Connor reached out and ran his long fingers through Jared's hair. "You awake, babe?" 

Jared gave a groan and his eyelids fluttered before he squinted and opened his eyes. "Fuck, a hospital?"


	6. Everything

Evan and Connor moved quickly to each side of Jared's bed.

"Do you remember what happened?" Evan asked quietly, placing both of his hands on Jared's shoulder, far above where the cast on his arm ended.

"Give me a second to wake up before I think, Ev," Jared chastised, and moved to sit up. His face immediately scrunched up and his weight fell back. "Oh my God, I feel like I just got run over by Arnold Schwarzenegger's tank."

Connor chuckled a bit, smiling in relief. "Good to know there's no amnesia or anything. Still you."

"In all my gay glory," Jared hissed back, still breathing hard from moving. He glanced at Evan, and then down at his body. "Okay, I give up. I got kicked out, I got in my car, and then nothing. What happened, Acorn?"

Evan frowned tightly, tracing shapes in the fabric of Jared's hospital gown. It was rough and probably hurt to wear. "Well… you flipped your car, Jared."

"Is it totaled?" Jared groaned.

"I don't kn… is that really what you care about right now?" Evan snapped.

"Well, you two seem to be dancing around the big question so I thought you could andwer a tiny one," Jared muttered. "Connie? D'you know?"

"Eh," Connor said. "I saw it on TV. Looked pretty fucked up to me."

"Shit," was all that Jared said to that.

"So, you didn't take any major injuries, because you did have your seatbelt on. Your arms—" Evan's voice broke and he paused. "Um, they fractured, and some of the bone chips punctured the skin. They think the cuts could be, uh, infected, because you were lying there for a while. That's the worst of it."

Jared stared into Evan's eyes. "… okay. I can walk?"

"Yeah," Evan nodded. "Just, sore, probably I'd guess."

Jared grunted in a way that said ' _yeah you're probably right_ '. "And how long until the other two appendages heal?"

"I- I don't… they didn't tell us yet," Evan mumbled.

Jared glared vaguely at the roof. "Fucking fantastic. And now I can't drive out of town, and don't have a place to stay—"

"My mom says you can live at our house," Evan interjected. "As long as you need, no strings attached."

Jared's jaw fell open, confused and shocked.

"I'm serious," Evan said. "Everything will be okay."

Jared and Connor both exhaled slowly, relaxing.

"Jared," Connor muttered, reaching over to cup his face. "Can you tell me if you did it on purpose?"

"What?"

"Did you wreck your car on purpose?"

"Why the fuck would I want to wreck my car?"

"Because you were in it, and you were angry and I _know_  what it's like to feel like you have the power to stop it all," Connor hissed. "Promise me you didn't!"

Jared's face softened from where it had grown defensive. "Con, no. For real, I just got distracted and my tire got caught on the side of the road in the curve. I didn't want to leave you alone."

"Jared…" Evan mumbled, ending the quiet exchange. "They're going to want to see you. A-and take your account of what happened, and tell you the official medical stuff."

"Then why don't you two step out?" Jared asked. He didn't look overly worried, just mildly annoyed. "That shit's irritating as all fuck, and I know I wouldn't want to listen to me repeat that it was me who flipped the car all on my lonesome. Maybe you could find a vending machine and get me candy."

"Do you want to be alone?" Connor asked quietly.

Jared jerked like he was going to shake his head and deny it, but he paused instead. "Yeah. Just for a few minutes, and then when we're alone we can see if we can cram three grown men into this tiny ass hospital bed without breaking my bones again."

Connor snorted and Evan chuckled nervously. Evan nodded, taking Connor's hand over the bed and leading him to the door. They opened it, and Connor stepped out, letting Evan stay behind for another half second.

"We'll be right back," Evan assured before following Connor.

The two wandered a bit, walking the half lit halls and finally stopping at some sorry excuse for a break room that Evan would swear was a staff only room, but Connor didn't seem to care even if it was, so they went in anyway. Connor opened the refrigerator and scowled at the gross meatloaf abomination that someone had left in there. Evan read the bulletin board's inspirational quotes until Connor called him over, asking what to buy from the vending machine for Jared. Evan scanned over the contents, and replied that Jared's favorite was Oreos. The walk back was much slower, filled with passing conversation about the hospital and large caps of quiet. By the time they returned, Zoe was talking quietly with Heidi, and the door was ajar.

"Hey Mom," Evan said in greeting. "Are they done talking to Jared?"

"Yeah, the police took a quick statement and bam, they were off. The doctor took a little longer but they say we should probably get a move on in an hour or so. I get that, they want all the other patients to be able to sleep and we're out makin' noise. Do you think you'll be ready to go around then?"

Evan glanced at Connor and nodded for the both of them. "Yeah, for sure. We're kinda tired too, we just. Want to make sure Jared's…"

"Getting all the T-L-C he deserves?" Heidi asked with a gentle smile. "It's alright. Connor, could I offer to drive you home when you're ready so Zoe can head home now?"

Connor blinked in surprise, but snapped out of his silent stupor quickly. "Uh, yeah. Zo…?"

"It's just… I'm tired, Con, and I don't want to snap at you because of that," Zoe shrugged. "I'll see you in the morning?"

Connor shrugged. "Maybe."

Evan poked Connor's back sharply.

"I'll see you at home tomorrow, just don't know when I'll wake up," Connor amended.

"Yeah I'll… I'll be around, Connor," Zoe said before turning and walking down the hall.

"Why don't you boys go and sit with your boyfriend?" Heidi asked gently. "I need to make a few calls outside, but I'll be back in half an hour if you need anything."

"Thanks Mom," Evan said as they turned to slip back into Jared's room.

The light was off, leaving only a night light to illuminate the room in a soft bright blue. It made Evan think of when he used to have nightlights in his room, glowing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle nightlights in every wall socket in his room. He wondered if it was making Jared feel better or worse.

Evan cleared his throat. "We brought you Oreos."

Jared's hospital bed had shifted, and he was sitting more upright. "I've only just now realized how much of a bitch eating is going to be," Jared mumbled. "Could you open the wrapper or some shit?"

Connor chuckled and pulled the plastic apart. "You know, when I was little I did a lot of jokes. It's a little different from how you and I joke around now, but I remember it all."

"What kind of jokes?" Evan prompted.

"Every stupid kind you can imagine," Connor said, sitting right against Jared's side. "Lot of chicken-crossing-road jokes. Mom said I had a million of them."

"Hit me with your worst shot," Jared prompted, taking the opened plastic wrapped oreos with stiff arms.

Evan watched, but Jared didn't look like he was hiding any pain. He would wince very now and then, but he did seem capable of rigidly lifting oreos into his mouth, so long as he didn't move his wrists too much.

"Why'd the chicken cross the road?"

"Why."

"To get to your house."

Jared frowned.

"Knock knock," Connor said.

"Who's there?"

"The chicken."

Jared snorted, devolving into a sort of gross but endearingly nerdy cackle.

Connor's proud smirk faded as he watched Jared. Slowly, he leaned down, nudging Jared's arm out of the way, and curled into Jared's chest. "I'm so fucking glad you're okay."

Jared's face grew a little panicked, and he looked to Evan for help.

Evan shrugged helplessly, and moved forward to sit on Jared's other side, much in the way they'd been standing by his bed before.

"Well, Soap Opera Queen, I'm just fine so no need to freak out now, right?"

"Don't do that shit to me again, okay?" Connor muttered, pushing up to hover over Jared.

"Con, I can't promise shit won't happen to me," Jared frowned.

"Promise me you won't try to drive out of town in the middle of the night and flip your car again, then," Connor retorted. "Evan, back me up here."

Evan averted his eyes before he could take in whatever look Jared was going to give him. "It would be a good idea, to maybe put a rule on not driving while angry or sad or scared or anything like that."

Jared slowly sighed. "Alright, no more calming nighttime drives for me."

"Is it driving, or riding that calms you down?" Evan asked, looking up.

Jared quirked an eyebrow and asked, "well does it make a difference?"

Evan shrugged, willing to drop the subject.

"… I guess riding," Jared said after a moment.

"Connor can drive you then. If you get angry or anything? Because, because Connor didn't get his license revoked, he just had to give up his car. Right Connor?"

Connor's eyebrows shot up, but he nodded before chuckling half-heartedly. "This is all under the assumption that I'm not the one pissing Jared off."

"And that my car's not totaled," Jared mumbled bitterly.

"We'll figure it out," Evan tried.

"Maybe," was all that Jared said.

Evan felt guilt churning in his stomach, which spread to his chest until the weight fastened on. Zoe said it was nobody's fault, but Evan couldn't disagree more. It wasn't Alana's fault, they'd decisively not told her the nature of their relationship. It wasn't Zoe or Connor's fault, they were hardly part of the equation at all. It most certainly wasn't Jared's fault, who'd only been kissing Evan because he asked Jared to. It wasn't Jared's fault that his parents were more orthodox than any other family they knew, or that he grew upset, or that his tire caught in the road.

It was Evan's fault, for not reaching out to either of them, and for letting them get caught in the first place, and for making the wrong call about Alana, and for putting all of them on a pedestal for the world to rip apart their personal lives.

Evan gently wrapped his hands around where Jared's hand would fit in his, if the cast were not there. He watched Jared, with Connor tucked under his other arm and eyes closed. Jared didn't even have glasses to see through any more. At least Jared didn't pull away from Evan.

Though the room fell silent, but Evan could hear a dull roar in his ears growing louder and louder by the second.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't the last installment of this series!! There's going to be another one or two, depending on what you guys tell me. I can either write two more works (one about Jared's recovery, and one about them moving on from high school) or one with both of those combined into one. Tell me what you guys think? I love each and every comment btw, thank you all for making me smile so often reading them!!!

**Author's Note:**

> I can't believe I just killed Alana Beck.


End file.
